Mini Episode

Episode 091: Mini: Mind your language

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 091:
Mini: Mind your language!

This week’s episode is about being aware of your language and whether you’re using rigid or flexible language!   Listen or watch to find out more…

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

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Transcript

Hi there and welcome to this week’s mini episode of The Curious Coach Podcast.  My challenge for you this week is really simple – it’s about minding your language!  And no, I’m not asking you to mind you P’s and Q’s although being polite and having good manners never hurts!

 

Rather, I’m asking you to watch out for those times when you say to yourself or others, sentences that begin with “I should”, “I must”, “I need to”, “I have to” and so on.  These are phrases that are fairly common in our everyday communication and we probably use them without really being aware of what the implication is.

 

For example, I might tell myself on a Sunday afternoon that I have to record a podcast episode because I must have it ready for being published first thing Monday morning on apple podcasts and Monday lunchtime for the LinkedIn video version.   By saying things like ‘I have to’ and ‘I must have’, I’m unconsciously putting myself under pressure and it’s a form of rigid thinking.   As a result, I may start to feel a little anxious because maybe I haven’t got a topic ready, and that I’m not in the humour to concentrate or that there’s lots of other things going on today and so on.  And then I might start to get a little resentful and angry as a result for “having” to do this.   

 

In reality, if I stop to challenge that I have to or that I must do something, then it becomes a little more interesting, more flexible rather than rigid.  No one is forcing me to release an episode on Monday.  For the podcast, I’m not accountable to advertising sponsors or a boss with a release schedule that I have to meet.  In fact, it’s just me and in reality, it’s my choice whether to record and release an episode or not.  It really comes down to a question of underlying beliefs and consequences.   If I don’t record an episode today and I don’t release it on Monday, the world won’t end.  However, I’m choosing to do so because I want to maintain a reputation for being reliable and dependable and to deliver something that people will hopefully find valuable.  So rather than saying I have to record the episode… I could say, “I’m choosing to record the episode” or maybe even “I want to record the episode”.  I can actually feel a difference within myself when I rephrase and take ownership of my choice.   This was a fairly example. However, sometimes this form of rigid thinking can have fairly serious consequences.   What if you regularly said something like “I have to work late…”. How might that be affecting your behaviour, your life, your sense of wellbeing and so on.  And what might you be believing in that moment?  What choices might you be ignoring?

 

So that’s my challenge for you this week, notice when you’re using rigid language such as “I have to”, “I must”, and so on,  and see can you catch yourself in the moment and rephrase it to something else.  And be aware of how you feel when you do or what beliefs you might surface.  And maybe, just maybe, when you realise you have a choice, you might find that you make a different choice, providing of course, you’re ok with the consequences!

 

That’s it for this week.  Let me know how you got on and until next time – stay curious.  

Episode 090: Mini: ANTS

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 090:
Mini: ANTS

This week’s mini episode is about ANTS and no, I’m not talking about those amazing little insects but rather Automatic Negative Thoughts – something that’s completely natural and something that we all do.  

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

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Transcript

Hi there and welcome to the latest mini episode of The Curious Coach Podcast.  In this week’s episode, my reflective challenge is about ants – and no I don’t mean those amazing little insects that can lift up to twenty times their own body weight.  However, the ANTs I’m talking about can be equally strong.  ANTs or automatic negative thoughts are something that we all do.  These are the negative thoughts that pop into our mind automatically and often without any rational foundation although they may also seem perfectly reasonable and logical at the time.  The term was first coined by psychologist Dr Aaron Becks back in the 1960’s.  For example, you might make a small mistake in something you’re doing and suddenly you have a thought that you can’t do anything right.  Or you find yourself thinking the worst when someone doesn’t reply to your email or turn up to lunch date on time, effectively becoming a fortune teller.  

ANTS are perfectly normal.  However,  sometimes, if we let them take over, we’re letting them control us and drive how we’re feeling.   Dr David Burns, Stanford professor and author of books such as feeling good and feeling great, summarises this as we feel how we think.  And if we’re not aware, or not challenging these automatic negative throughs, then we may get very real feelings  then can lead to increased stress or anxiety.

So my challenge for you this week to start to become aware of the ANTS that you come across during your typical week.  Maybe write them down as they come up and become more aware of them.  As you do, start to challenge whether they’re true or not. Maybe ask yourself – what’s the evidence for or against the thought being true, or look at what other ways can you reframe the thought?  

So that’s it for this week.  Good luck with watching out for those ANTS, and thanks for tuning in. As always I’d love to hear how you got on.  So please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment on LinkedIn or drop me an email to stephen@stephenclements.ie   – and don’t forget, that’s Stephen with a ph!  Until next time, don’t forget – stay curious!

Episode 089: Mini: Surviving or Thriving?

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 089:
Mini: Surviving or Thriving?

This week’s challenge is about reflecting on whether you’re surviving or thriving?  And what’s the difference!

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

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Transcript

Hi there and welcome to the latest mini-edition of The Curious Coach Podcast.

This week, my reflective challenge is about identifying where you currently are between surviving and thriving.   Imagine that in front of you, you have a large dial.  You can rotate this dial between two extremes – at one end, there’s surviving and at the other there’s thriving.   You’re in control of the dial.  So, where is your dial currently set to?

In the first half of 2020, I’d imagine many of us turned the dial fully around to survival.   We stocked up on the essentials, took shelter and focused on surviving what was happening to us and the world around us.  And that’s totally understandable.  We went through and continue to go through a period of immense change and uncertainty in the world.

I’d imagine our ancestors felt something similar when they rushed back into their caves having first discovered the predatory threat from dinosaurs.

However, imagine what would have happened if they’d stayed in full on survival mode.  Never being tempted to alter the setting on that dial.  Would they have ever ventured back out of their caves to explore, to develop, to evolve… and ultimately to thrive?

As you picture your dial in front of you, and notice where it’s currently set to, reflect on how might like to adjust it?  If you were to adjust it, even by a small amount, what difference would that make?  Imagine that you’ve made a change to the setting on the dial, what are the changes that would happen as a result?  What do you see yourself doing differently?

So that’s my challenge for you this week.  Not to necessarily rush out and make a major adjustment to your surviving – thriving dial – but to simply be aware of where you have currently set it to.  To be curious.  And to be conscious of the choice that you have made.  And then to be equally conscious of the choices you might want to make.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and reflections.  So please don’t hesitate to get in touch either by leaving a comment below this video if watching on LinkedIn, or dropping me an email to stephen@stephenclements.ie and that’s Stephen with a PH.  Thanks for tuning and until next time, don’t forget… stay curious.

Episode 088: Mini: Learning Experience

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 088:
Mini: Learning Experience

This week’s reflective challenge is about the learning experience and recognising those times when we might have forgotten that we’re still learners and then beat ourselves up for not getting it right!

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

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Transcript

Hi there and welcome to the latest mini-edition of The Curious Coach Podcast.

This week’s mini episode is about learning.  Well, actually, more specifically, it’s about the learning experience.  Well, actually, to be even more specific, it’s about recognising that you are learning and the experience you’re getting from it.

So, what do I mean by that?

Well, the obvious learning experience is when we sign up to do a course. We are very clearly in a learning environment. We are learning something new. We’re going in, knowing that we don’t know stuff. And we’re there to learn. And along the way, there will probably be excitement, enjoyment, and some challenges. And possibly a little bit of discomfort, as you’re pushed out of your comfort zone to learn something new.

However, I was reminded a few times this week, where there’s things then, that we do, on a daily or weekly basis, where we’re still learning. And the challenge is that we might forget that we’re actually still learning. We may expect ourselves to be good at something. To be competent in everything that we do. And the reality is, we’re not! Certainly I’m not!!!

And it’s when those times happen that we can be very hard on ourselves. We can beat ourselves up, we can belittle ourselves for not getting it right. For not being perfect. For making a mess. For being a failure. And the challenge for you this week is to catch yourself,

to remind yourself, when you’re doing those things, whatever they happen to be, where you are still learning snd your’e still evolving. And still growing. And reminding yourself that you are still a learner. And part of the learning process is making mistakes.

And the important part of making mistakes is the experience you gain from that. To be able to reflect on mistakes or times when it didn’t go as well as you would have liked. And, to be curious about what you can do differently the next time. Or what you can learn from that experience. So that you can grow and that you can develop. Rather than simply feeling annoyed, upset, angry with yourself. Turn it around and reframe the experience. And go, well, actually, I’m learning! I’m bound to make mistakes. And this is one of those times where I can learn something. So that I can grow

So, I hope that makes sense?!

It might be a little bit more of a challenge for you this week to spot those times, and I hope you give it a go. And I’d be really interested to know what you came up with, what did you notice during the week. And as always, drop me an email to stephen@stephenclements.ie

Or, if you’re watching on LinkedIn, leave me a comment below this video. And that’s it for this week!

So until next week… Don’t forget… stay curious!

Episode 087: Mini: Your Focus

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 087:
Mini: Your Focus

This week’s challenge is about becoming aware of where you are placing your focus…

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

Video Version

Audio Version

Transcript

Hi there, and welcome to this week’s mini episode of The Curious Coach Podcast. This week’s reflective challenge is about becoming conscious of where you are placing your focus.  Now, what do I mean by that? Sometimes we focus our attention on things without even realising them. Certain thoughts, certain situations, or whatever it happens to be.

We may become obsessed with them without even realising that it’s happening. Let me give you an example. When you begin to learn to coach, you start to notice different things about your client.  In one particular session you might be paying attention to the language that they’re using. Or you might be paying attention to how they’re breathing. Or where they’re looking. Or their body language…and usually what happens, is that when you start to focus on any one of those things, that’s all you can see!!!!

You suddenly focus on the language and maybe don’t really notice the body language! Or how they’re breathing. Or what else might be happening for them.  And the challenge, especially with coaching, is to become competent enough to be aware of the whole person, at once.  And then notice what draws your attention.

So my challenge for you this week, is to just be curious about what’s grabbing your attention…taking your focus… maybe it’s a situation that you’re replaying over and over in your head, or maybe it’s a particular feeling, or thought. Whatever it is, just be curious about it!  And usually once you become aware of it, then, you might be able to let it go and see what else grabs your focus.

So, as always, I’d love to hear what you noticed and perhaps what happened for you during the week. So please, don’t forget to send me an email to stephen@stephenclements.ie or, if you’re watching on LinkedIn, drop a comment in below this video and I’d love to hear from you!

So, that’s it for this week and, don’t forget, as always…stay curious!!!

Episode 085: Mini: Right Now!

The Curious Coach Podcast

Episode 085:
Mini: Right Now!

Building on last week’s episode where I talked about visioning and dreaming, and then adding in the other two states of resisting and reflecting, I realised this week that there was another state missing:  right now!  Listen to learn more about this week’s challenge!

Listen below or search for The Curious Coach Podcast on Apple podcasts, spotify or wherever else you normally listen to podcasts!

Video Version

Audio Version

Transcript

Hi there, and welcome to this week’s mini episode of The Curious Coach Podcast. Last week, you might remember that I was talking about the difference between two different terms: visioning and dreaming. And then during that week, I expanded my thinking with an article on LinkedIn, where I took two different dimensions and plotted them on a graph to create four different quadrants.

I had past versus future and inaction versus action. And that lead me to create or plot, those four different states: dreaming, reflecting, resisting and visioning. If you want to know what those different terms mean then please go back and read the article.

However, it also occurred to me, that there’s another state on that quadrant graph that I didn’t show. And that’s right in the centre, right at that point between past and future and inaction and action. It’s actually right in the moment. It’s being fully present. In the now!

Eckhart Tolle talks beautifully about it in his book, The Power of Now. Its where we’re either moving towards the future, wishing our life away so to speak. Or reflecting or ruminating about the past. And it’s not about taking action or not taking action, it’s simply about being fully immersed in this present moment; experiencing everything that there is to experience, right now.

What are you noticing?

What are you feeling?

What’s coming up for you?

How wonderful would it be for us to be able to take a moment, and to be… right here, right now. Fully present! So that’s my challenge for you this week, is to figure out how to take that moment and do it!

Now, it might mean maybe trying some meditation, or going for a walk in nature, where you simply immerse yourself in the surrounds and notice, with great detail, everything that’s out there. What do you see? What do you feel? What are you experiencing? And truly bring everything to life, right in that moment.

Now, as always, I’d love to hear how you got on and maybe what worked and what didn’t work for you, in trying to be fully present in this moment.

So, if you’re watching on LinkedIn, please leave me a comment below this video. And if you’re listening on the podcast, maybe drop me an email to stephen@stephenclements.ie

And as always… until next week… stay curious!

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